Bleach into Night Vale
by general zargon
Summary: Bleach and Welcome to Night Vale crossover. In which there are faulty Gargantas, hooded figures who really aren't, science happening, and it's raining animals. Eh, Ichigo has seen weirder. He's pretty sure the radio host guy and the scientist guy should be dating though. Rated for some language.


_Author's Note: Because it is my headcanon that Ichigo can show up just about anywhere, and I stumbled upon a Welcome to Night Vale fanfic that described Hooded Figures, so...Yeah, I just wanted to write about Ichigo posing as Hooded Figure._

* * *

'_Hey, thanks again for lending me the cloak,_'

Ichigo Kurosaki had already thanked Tensa Zangetsu, but upon seeing the weirdness that was the town he'd wound up in via interrupted Garganta, he thought it bore repeating. It had been nighttime when they'd arrived, so his Bankai zanpakuto spirit had let him use the spirit's cloak to keep warm, but apparently in the day time, walking around in a black cloak with the hood pulled up was a golden ticket to do whatever you wanted.

He was still confused about that, since it seemed like everyone in town was making an effort to ignore him and the other cloaked figures wandering around. He'd only been in the town for five hours of daylight, and already he had figured out that while everyone _could_ see him, they were making an effort _not_ to see him. Hell, even the other people wandering around in cloaks were avoiding him! It didn't make any sense, but he put that observation away for later consideration when he wasn't so freaked out and concerned with finding a way to get back home.

Upon feeling Tensa Zangetsu's wordless acknowledgment of his thanks, the orange-haired teen started looking around more intently. Maybe if he found a map or something he could get started on figuring out where he was...

Three hours, four convenience stores, two souvenir shops, and one incident involving a talking newt later, Ichigo was no closer to finding a map than he'd been standing in the middle of the desert. Seriously, what kind of town didn't have any local or state maps? He thought in exasperation, scowling beneath the shadows of his hood. What the fuck was wrong with this town, he wondered, that people with hoods were ignored and there wasn't a damned map to be found in the entire place?

Another hour later, and he was taking advantage of the 'everyone-is-ignoring-you' thing by stealing a slice of pizza from a guy with two heads (they were arguing with each other and therefore didn't notice), eating said pizza slice that tasted like it might have actually been in the presence of oregano at one point, and then watching a guy with pretty good hair and wearing a lab coat wave a Geiger counter over a gumball machine. Which then started hissing.

Okay, that was a funny, especially when the lab coat guy pulled a breath mint and dropped in into the coin slot. The hissing stopped, and the paint on the machine changed from red to bubblegum pink. Ichigo had to spend a couple minute chuckling at the scene before he walked away, once more in search of a freaking map. He was forced to call off the search and take cover in a random building that seemed to be some kind of lab (judging by the vaguely scientific-looking equipment around the room, not to mention the beakers. Definitely couldn't forget the beakers) when it started raining blue toads and rainbow-colored lemmings.

As the Substitute Soul Reaper stood just inside the door and looked at the bizarre rain, who should run in passed him carrying one of the aforementioned lemmings but Scientist-Guy (lab coat guy took too long to say). Into one of the cages Ichigo had noticed around the room went the multi-colored lemming, and Scientist-Guy sighed with relief. While Scientist-Guy started muttering theories and science-y sounding words under his breath, he gathered up a notepad and pen, not to mention various slides and test tubes. One of the things Scientist-Guy muttered was, "Way to go, Carlos, now all you have to do is find out why the lemming is multi-colored and keep it from melting..." so Ichigo was assuming that Carlos was Scientist-Guy's name.

While Carlos the Scientist was occupied with the lemming, Ichigo took the time to study the only person who was in the room with him, if only for something to do besides watch animals fall from the sky. The first thing the Substitute Soul Reaper noticed was the man black, silky-looking hair that fell down unbound to a point just passed the man's shoulders, and the second thing he registered was that 'Carlos' was around 5"9 and had dark skin like Ichigo's friend Chad (not his real name, but the nickname had stuck). He wasn't overly muscular, but he also didn't have any extra body fat on him. If Ichigo had to name the scientist's body type, he would have had to say that the man had a runner's figure.

Aside from the lab coat, the man was wearing a simple button-up blue shirt, black slacks, and a pair of worn Converse sneakers. And really, considering the things Ichigo had seen in the last couple of hours, he didn't blame Carlos for wearing comfortable shoes in case he had to run. And when Carlos turned his head a certain way, Ichigo got a glimpse of his dark eyes and chiseled jaw.

Getting bored with looking at the scientist puttering around and poking at an increasingly-irate lemming, Ichigo looked around and found an empty stool next to the window that he could sit on and watch the brightly colored animals fall from the sky. No way was he going out there before the bizarre storm let up, Ichigo thought with a wince, those lemmings were _heavy_.

Almost half an hour later, Ichigo was jostled out of his slight doze when the radio on one of the shelves around the room turned on with a hiss of static, and before the orange-haired teen could do more than blink, a smooth, soothing voice came out of the speakers.

"_Only the incredibly brave or the incredibly foolish dare to stare into the Abyss. For when you stare into the Abyss, the Abyss stares into you. And sometimes recommends you change toothpaste. Welcome to Night Vale._

_Our top story today is the rather foreboding thunder and organ music combination that rattled our windows for a solid hour later last night while we were pretending to sleep. As everyone knows, thunder by itself is harmless, as is organ music, but together they form a rather menacing omen. So do your regular bloodstone chants, maybe offer up an animal sacrifice or two to whatever old and forgotten deity you worship, and pray you survive what's coming intact._

_Also of interest is the new Mysterious Hooded Figure who was recently spotted wandering around our little town. Eyewitnesses report that this Hooded Figure apparently stole Michael Sandero's slice of pizza while the captain was arguing with his second head at Big Rico's. Well Michael, if you're listening, take comfort in the fact that the pizza went to a good cause - possibly - and that you should just accept the inevitable and pay for a second slice. No one does a slice like Big Rico. Nobody. The Hooded Figure then watched as perfect Carlos calmed down the rogue gumball machine on Fifth and Oak that had taken to shooting hard candies at passer-bys. As it turns out, the gumball machine had a date with a lovely parking meter and was feeling self-conscious about its' approximation of breath, but once lovely Carlos gave the gumball machine a breath mint, it calmed down remarkably quickly. More on the gumball machine's date with the parking meter as the situation develops._

_In related news, the new Mysterious Hooded Figure is currently...in perfect Carlos' s lab watching him poke at one of the rainbow colored lemmings that the Glow Cloud has taken to raining on our fair town in addition to the usual toads. Oh. Oh dear. Carlos, if you're listening, please leave your lab immediately and wait until the Hooded Figure has done whatever it is that it wants to do and left before re-entering!-_"

Abruptly, the radio died in a hiss of static, and there was a long moment of uncomfortable silence as Carlos slowly turned from the lemming cage and finally, finally, looked right at Ichigo, who was staring incredulously at the silent radio. How that hell had that radio host known where he was? Or what he'd been doing? He could have sworn that no one was paying attention to him the entire time he was there!

Now knowing that someone had indeed been paying attention to him, Ichigo was just the tiniest bit embarrassed. That was nothing compared to Carlos's reaction, which the Substitute Soul Reaper found highly entertaining: first the scientist turned bright red, apparently more embarrassed than Ichigo had been to discover someone had been paying attention to him, and then he turned as pale as a sheet. Carlos was unmistakably tense as he stood there like an idiot and opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. Ichigo had to spend at least three minutes mentally snickering at him before he noticed, from the corner of his eye, the rain of toads-and-lemmings was starting to let up, and he decided that he could probably risk going outside...

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he felt the sensation that he had come to recognize as the opening of a Garganta ripple over his admittedly terrible reiatsu sensing abilities. Well, that solved his getting home problems neatly, and after a minute he pegged the Garganta as opening just a little ways out of town. Before he left though, he thought back to the radio host and Scientist-Guy and, feeling just a bit mischievous, snagged a stray piece of paper, grabbed a pen, and quickly scribbled a note.

And with that, Ichigo used _shunpo_* to slip away, waiting until he was halfway to the Garganta before he started cackling, though that died down to just mild laughter by the time he jumped through the portal, hopefully heading home.

Ichigo had seen some pretty weird things in his seventeen years of life, but the town of Night Vale was definitely up there in the top 20 on his list of weird experiences, he thought ruefully as he ran along the path he'd created with his reiatsu.

* * *

Ten minutes after the hooded figure that had apparently been watching him vanished, Carlos Gutierrez** blinked out of his shock and slowly reached for the paper that the figure had written on before disappearing.

Behind him, the radio turned back on with a hiss of static, and the sound of Cecil's voice asking anyone who knew what the situation in Carlos's lab was to please contact the station. And speaking of, he thought distantly, he should probably text Cecil to let the Voice of Night Vale know he was okay, but first, he read the hooded figure's message. And promptly turned red as he blushed in mortification.

The note just said: "_If you and the radio host guy don't at least kiss before tomorrow, something incredibly horrible will happen. __P.S. the sex will be fantastic._"

Well, Carlos thought, both sheepish and thoughtful, if it meant keeping some catastrophe from happening...

* * *

*_Flash step - anyone remotely familiar with Bleach will know what this is. :D_

_**I don't think they ever actually said what Carlos's last name was, so I'm just playing around there. If they did and I got it wrong, please tell me and I'll change it._

_Author's Note: Faulty Gargantas, my go-to explanation for how Ichigo gets transported between fandoms so much. I don't really know the 'Welcome to Night Vale' as such, but I've read a few crossover fics about it and thought it sounded interesting. It was apparently a radio drama - who knew? Anyway, as always constructive criticism is welcome!_


End file.
